onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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