i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
