Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Randomize
