So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
