i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I showed him my bush... on skype.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
