That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
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