You smell like a Billy Joel song
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
