Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
