his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
I did not marry a roomba.
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