I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
