I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
