let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
