perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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