Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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