That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
