i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
