Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
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