the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
