I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Who wears a wallet chain?!
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
