I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
