A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize