I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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