Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
