Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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