Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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