I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
