My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
