So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
