the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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