i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
