I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
