dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
