I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
