Don't you send me to vm
In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I need to align my fucking chakras
I think i got beer on your cat.
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