So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
