my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
ttyl tear gas
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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