i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
