Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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