Just fell off a train. Bad.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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