I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
