I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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