Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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