if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
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