At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Randomize
