I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
