I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
