Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
