I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
