I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I think people are normalizing furries
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
