I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
