I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
