in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Did I show you my penis last night?
Houston, we have a blender
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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