Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
