Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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