I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
