you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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