it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
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