i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
