the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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