we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
