Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
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We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
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