he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
