I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
