I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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