I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
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If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
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Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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