dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
