well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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