i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
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