All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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