how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize