happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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