Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Randomize
