shes about as inviting as chlamydia
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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