FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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