awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
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i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
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Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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