my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
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