alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
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