Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Randomize
