I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
well most of my day revolves around power hour
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Just pee around me
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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