and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Randomize
